Captain Fantasy

I iz back.

After my enforced absence (over two weeks of no broadband and no TV - yes, absolute hell) normal service will be resumed just in time for the new season.  On the negative side I've missed all our friendlies; on the positive side, I've been spared all but the merest Twitter hints (twints?) of silly football rumours, and I'm back just as the Sneijder rumours (hopefully) turn into something more concrete.

First order of business though, and it's lucky I'm back to comment on this, someone from Blue tells us about Sir Alex's love for Blue's first two albums...

I'm not saying the dude is a liar, but his whole interview seems to be one long fantasy in which Blue were ever any good and are still relevant today.

Let's read some of the bullshit:

"Sir Alex invited us to a game for my daughter's birthday and introduced us to all the players and that was brilliant."

Ex-Aberdeen boss Sir Alex later told Simon his favourite Blue albums were 2001's All Rise and One Love that was released a year later.

Both records reached No1 and included chart-topping singles Too Close, If You Come Back and Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, with Sir Elton John.

Simon - who is mates with United defender Rio Ferdinand - said: "Sir Alex is a massive fan of our first and second albums, he's told me that and it was really nice to hear."

Where do we even begin - the "Sir Alex invited-" really?  no request from Blue's management/record company? - Sir Alex knew when the dudes from Blue's daughters birthday was?  And the random specificity of the "first two albums" claim?  Having checked, blue have had 3 albums and a "greatest hits" and Sir Alex claimed to be a fan of the first two, was the third absolute shit?  Did he not enquire what stopped the third being worthy of mention, or is it so bad that he couldn't actually make up the fact of someone liking it, so ludicrous would it be.

Unbelievably it gets worse:

The singer even claimed Portuguese superstars Ronaldo, 26, and Nani, 24, were STARSTRUCK when they met him.

He insisted: "I'm an international solo star and have a high profile in Portugal."

Because Ronaldo looks precisely the type of guy to get starstruck.  He's not the most self-confident man in the world is he?  He's not completely in love with himself at the expense of all others is he (and yes I'm exaggerating for effect, love the guy still)? When writing about these types of interview I'm always worried that I'm missing some sort of sign that they're meant as satire.  I don't think I ever am though, it's just a case of lots of celebrities (self-styled - he's very big in Portugal you know...) are too far gone to tell reality from fantasy.

Then he trots out the lame "we were beaten at Eurovision because it's all political" excuse.  

"It is self-evident that we were the best thing at Eurovision and only the perversity of those damn foreigners robbed us of the title of kings of the world of eurovison"

And yes, that might be a paraphrase.  Of course, his mistake is that everyone knows Jedward were the best thing at Eurovision...

Finally, in an article promoting a charity football match and in which he namedrops Sir Alex and Rio Ferdinand, he slags off football.  Slags off football after fantasising about how he could have signed for Liverpool.  In this article.  Namedropping Sir Alex and Rio Ferdinand.  He brags about almost signing for Liverpool.  I suspect he actually is insane. His words on football:

"With music though, you get to touch people in a way I never thought was imaginable.

"I don't think winning the FA Cup can change a fan's life." 

What?  He's in Blue yeah?  They changed lives more than winning the FA Cup?  I hate to bring City into it but maybe he should ask a few City fans how breaking the 30 odd years without a trophy by winning the FA Cup changed things.

Asshole.

It's the reading of articles like this that makes me glad I have my broadband back...