Get A Knife Between Your Teeth

You take a week off and come back and everything's... exactly the same. Chelsea match reports - The Guardian's Kevin McCarra is surely taking the piss when he says:

Chelsea had a plan and it delivered the required victory.

Yep. Chelsea's plan was to be out-played for the entire game and let the referee conjure them up a victory. Continuing the awfulness these sentences are equally stupid:

Ferguson did not have the trust to pitch Michael Owen on from the start and, until the final moments, Rooney worked alone in attack.Chelsea are expert at checking even the outstanding footballers and when Rooney had broken clear, in the sixth minute, he was wrongly given off-side.

First point - wtf?! second point - what is the point - Chelsea are expert at checking outstanding footballers... even resorting to getting the linesman to make dubious off side decisions?!
Elsewhere on The Guardian website this sums up the decisions while also summing up the ridiculous conclusions the papers manage to come to:

United should have been awarded a penalty when John Terry shouldered Antonio Valencia aside in the 14th minute, and the free-kick that led to the only goal, awarded against Darren Fletcher for a perceived foul on Ashley Cole in the 76th minute, might well not have been given, while the goal itself should have been annulled as Didier Drogba, in an offside position after dragging down Wes Brown, strayed into Edwin van der Sar's eyeline. But a rough match will often be decided by rough justice.

The Independent's report is pretty dull, though it contains understatement of the year:

On the balance of decisions, United could perhaps feel hard done by

The Mirror at least recognise the truth:

Chelsea boss Ancelotti will know that his team were lucky as Manchester United certainly did not deserve to lose...

For 76 minutes yesterday, United looked the better team and Rooney ran himself into the ground while Darren Fletcher bossed the midfield.

Jeremy Wilson in The Telegraph makes an absolutely insane comparison:

As Rooney left the field, he mouthed the words "12 men" into the TV camera. Although he did not swear, Rooney's outburst will evoke comparisons with Didier Drogba's infamous rant after the Champions League semi-final against Barcelona that prompted a three-match Uefa ban.

I'm not sure that it will "evoke comparisons" - perhaps only to absolute idiots like Jeremy Wilson...
Kevin Garside in The Telegraph reports on our game, but seems to have allowed the popular pastime of masturbating over Arsenal to spill over into the report, rendering it messy and frankly worthless.
Final word to Sir Alex:

"Clearly Darren Fletcher has won the ball," said Ferguson. "He's never touched Ashley Cole who just jumped up in the air, and then Drogba has pulled Brown to the ground at the goal. The referee's position to make a decision there was absolutely ridiculous. He can't see it. There was a Chelsea player standing right in front of him and he doesn't even move.

"It was a bad decision, but what can you do? You lose faith in the refereeing sometimes. That's the way the players are talking in there. It was a bad one. That goal should not have been allowed. We've dominated the game and had great chances to win the match. And that's our fault. Some of the football we played getting up to the box, and some of the chances in and around the box, was excellent and we should have finished it off. But you do need a break. We never got the break we needed."