Fuzzy Birds

The Mirror continues to be rubbish. Here's an excerpt from their match report:

And sure enough, Fergie - serving a touchline ban for defamatory remarks about a referee’s fitness - found another victim to hector.

This time linesman Richard West, who flagged for a penalty as Nemanja Vidic helped himself to a handful of Frederic Piquionne’s shirt, was the target from Ferguson’s lectern for putting referee Mike Dean under “incredible pressure“ to award the home side a penalty and “changing the whole course of normal decision-making.”

But who needs grumbling from the Groucho Club when you can still enjoy Giggs topping the bill at the Palladium?

In an age when it has become compulsory to fawn over United’s headline acts, whether they are spouting tosh about trawlers and sardines or pouting jugglers who fall over too readily, Giggs has transcended animosity.

Even if you hate Manchester United, it is impossible to hate Ryan Giggs. He was 36 yesterday and, wearing unfeasibly white boots the shade of a Hollywood actor’s teeth, he decorated the occasion with his 100th Premier League goal.

The oh-so-predictable mention of Sir Alex and referees and then into illogic: a contradiction, on the one hand everyone fawns over all our players, on the other Ryan Giggs is the one player everyone can fawn over. Senseless.

But not as senseless as Stan Collymore in the same rag:

But when I saw the champions’ team-sheet I couldn’t help but feel that Michael Carrick, Paul Scholes, Darren Fletcher and Ryan Giggs wouldn’t get a sniff of action regularly for title rivals Chelsea.

I take on board the trophies won by United’s midfield four but I want to discuss the here and now, and with nearly half a season gone, I wish to discuss the two engine rooms.

If you compare Carrick with Chelsea’s Frank Lampard, I’d have Frank all day long.

He is more mobile than Carrick and is a 20-goal a season midfielder and a better all round footballer than the United man, so I’d give Lamps the nod by nine points to six out of ten.

Attacking midfielder-wise, Scholes or Michael Ballack is too close to call so I score this contest even.

They are two fantastic players that have bags of experience and I’d give them both six points each.

But Michael Essien is clearly a far superior player to United’s Fletcher.

It is no contest, as the Ghana international is stronger in the tackle, more mobile, and possibly the world’s best defensive midfielder at the moment.

Add to that a knack for regular goals, and Essien is a clear winner by nine points to six.

Giggs was man-of-the-match at Pompey and United fans will tell you he’s playing better than ever, but Joe Cole looks sharp again, can unlock the door in tight games and has more impact in the crucial central midfield area.

Now he is fit, Cole is often at the heart of everything for Chelsea so I’d give him eight points to Giggs’ seven.

Of course everyone can have their opinion, and I'm not so blind that I can't see some merit in Chelsea's midfield, but the form of this argument is ridiculous - he gives a nice write up of a Chelsea player and then says "this makes him better than the Man United equivalent," no discussion of the Man United player, just the bald "Darren Fletcher 6" meaningless in its stupidity - a phrase which sums up The Mirror well...

Not a lot in the other reports, which concentrate on Portsmouth's plight mainly, though there is some praise of Giggs from all corners as he gets his 100th Premier League goal. The Daily Star report here, Guardian here, Telegraph here, and Independent here.