Written by a lake

(Image from here)

How do the papers react to a relatively comfortable opening day victory for us? Pretty much as expected really.
Here's Bill Thornton in The Daily Star, who must have been have been prepping this report all summer:

by the end, the temptation to chant the name of the departed World Player of the Year and the outstanding player of the past three years, must have been gnawing at the frustrated fans. Manager Sir Alex Ferguson insists that life will go on, and successfully, without Ronaldo. Ferguson has overcome the loss of many a star and, no doubt, he will do so again. But, on the evidence of this stuttering start, patience will be a virtue. New £18m winger Antonio Valencia looked good in flashes, as did Nani before injury forced him out of the fray at half-time.

It starts telling us how we're missing Ronaldo and ends telling us that those slated as his replacements looked good. Nonsense? Not as nonsensical as this sentence:

there were disturbing signs of another first-day anti-climax before Rooney broke the deadlock

Yes, that's right, Rooney scored in the 34th minute...
Tim Rich in The Guardian isn't so bad, not great either. I'll forgive him the Ronaldo references, seeing as they're at least used well - to big up Rooney - and he pinpoints the real loss - at free kicks:

Life after Ronaldo began much as Manchester United would have expected. A dusting of magic had gone and whenever the champions were awarded a free-kick there was not that same frisson of anticipation around Old Trafford. And yet Wayne Rooney suggested the task of taking up the slack of Ronaldo's goals is not beyond him. Although he played slightly in his shadow, Rooney would have missed Ronaldo, not least in the minutes before kick-off when the pair would juggle footballs in the dressing room. They were naturals, men who played the game instinctively.

"You have natural footballers, the Zidanes and the Platinis," said the Birmingham manager, Alex McLeish, who had been given the task of marking the latter some 25 years before. "You don't need to coach them, you just need to guide them in certain areas. Rooney drops into the little pockets where it's hard to pin him down. We told the defenders not to be concerned when he drops deeper. It's when he comes forward that you have to watch him because he has a vicious shot."

His description of 2 incidents as "fortunate" is a little mean-spirited:

The goal, when it came, carried some fortune in that Rooney's header struck the foot of the post and ricocheted straight back to his boots. It was the same kind of fortune the champions enjoyed when Patrice Evra, Ferguson's one remaining first-choice defender, leapt with supreme athleticism to clear on the line from Franck Queudrue.

And what's this? A not at all bad report in The Independent? Can it be true. Yes, surprisingly:

Nani's removal at half-time is another concern as the 22-year-old is United's new tale of the unexpected. And eclipsing all but Rooney was Darren Fletcher, at 25, two years older than the matchwinner but starting to set the world on fire in United's midfield nearly a decade after joining as a trainee. The new banners for the Old Trafford entrance, replacing those which depicted a grinning Ryan Giggs and others clutching the European Cup, extol the virtues of the Manchester United Soccer Schools. "Learn to play the United Way," they state. A prescient message considering what the Ferguson youth are providing. Did someone say Ronaldo was missing?

The report in The Mirror by David McDonnell is rubbish. He praises Rooney, but downplays our overall performance so that he can use the prepared stuff about us missing Ronaldo:

Yet while Fergie could take satisfaction from United's first opening-day win for three years, he will no doubt be perplexed at the pedestrian nature of much of his side's play and their distinct lack of a cutting edge.

Despite Rooney's heroics and the impressive way United's reshuffled defence coped with Birmingham's spirited attack, this ordinary display showed what a major handicap the loss of Ronaldo will be for the champions.

One of Ronaldo's greatest strengths was his ability to bulldoze modest Premier League opponents like Birmingham, which proved a major factor behind United's three successive title triumphs.

Sir Alex will be perplexed will he? He won't think "1st game of season, not on top of game yet," that would be too obvious, no, he'll be perplexed... And the prepared stuff is completely wrong anyway. How many times last season were we criticised for winning games 1-0? Or for not killing teams off, not taking chances? Yet the established version is now that whenever Ronaldo played he put all before him to the sword with style and panache. Yesterday's display was straight from last season - it wasn't the best but we dominated possession, dominated chances and, except for one moment in the second half, was never too nervy. Birmingham played well, we tailed off a bit second half, but everything that happened yesterday could well have happened even if Ronaldo was on the pitch. The media are finding it harder to let go of Ronaldo than we are. He's gone, get over it. And then this:

Dimitar Berbatov continues to frustrate, fading after a bright start. And while Antonio Valencia is undoubtedly a worthy signing, his indifferent display suggested it will take some time for him to adjust to life as a United player.

Yes, Berba didn't almost score from a header and then get denied a blatant penalty after a great turn in the box minutes before coming off did he? And Valencia: for "indifferent" read solid if unspectacular.

Oliver Kay in The Times isn't worth reading, one snippet:

Dimitar Berbatov showing few signs that he is ready to raise his game

I don't even need to dignify that with involved argument.

Henry Winter is more reasoned in The Telegraph, still a bit too dismissive of Berbatov though:

Sir Alex Ferguson had little choice but to sell Cristiano Ronaldo, who was so smitten with Real Madrid, and now needs others to rise to the occasion. Rooney, thrillingly, has accepted the challenge. He has not only picked up the gauntlet, he is waving it in opponents' faces.

Others who wear United's unsightly new red shirt, a top surely designed with the rugby league market in mind, must follow Rooney's defiant example. Dimitar Berbatov displayed some elegant touches but again lacked urgency. Antonio Valencia appeared inhibited, preferring to play it simple rather than gambling occasionally and taking on a defender. With time, Valencia should give United a sharper attacking edge. His pace is vital in a front six not blessed with lightning speed. ...

Given the number of absent friends, the disjointed nature of some of United's football was understandable. Of the XI who started the Champions League final in Rome, only three lined up here, Rooney, Patrice Evra and John O'Shea. All of them excelled, particularly Rooney.

United often start the season slowly, so Ferguson will not be unduly worried, and his good humour yesterday was understandable given the potency, creativity and industry of his No 10. The full range of Rooney's technique was on glorious parade: a chested pass here, a flick with the outside of the boot there, a shot from range, a header. The works.

Matt Lawton in The Mail is stereotypical of the missing Ronaldo theme, but credit for ignoring the easy Berba sniping:

Dimitar Berbatov, visibly more industrious

Steven Howard in The Sun is quite good, giving a pretty fair summary of the game:

United should have then killed the game off in first-half added time only for a ghastly shank from Fletcher 10 yards out when the impressive Evra-Nani combination had opened the visitors up yet again down the left.

United regulars will know this failure to see off the opposition was a growing tendency at the end of last season.

It was a similar tale in the second half with Berbatov's header cleared off the line by Lee Carsley and Rooney glancing Ryan Giggs' cross a fraction past the far post with seven minutes remaining.

Six minutes earlier, though, only Ben Foster's flying leap to his left prevented Ferguson suffering the huge indignity of seeing Birmingham equalise through a bloke called Benitez after the Ecuador striker had left Wes Brown on the seat of his pants.

Then, in United's final attack, Rooney chested a low Foster kick through to Owen. The old Owen would have buried it.

The Manchester Evening News put it succinctly:

The Reds looked rarely under pressure but only Wayne Rooney's first half strike separated the two sides.

The quotes: Sir Alex on the game:

"It was a long day. The way Birmingham set out their stall they were always going to be very resilient, determined and hard to break down.

"That's understandable. They've come out of the Championship and are desperate to stay up.

"We had some good opportunities, played some good football and, in general, I'm satisfied with the result."

On injuries:

"Ferdinand will be out for probably two weeks and that's a bit of a blow for us. Evans is injured again, while Gary Neville has only just started training, and Rafael da Silva is still missing with his dislocated shoulder.

"We have been having a hard time with defensive injuries over the last two years, but people are capable of coming in for us.

"Wes Brown hasn't had much training and Ritchie De Laet, who was on the bench today, will figure now. Nemanja Vidic (calf) is back in training and that's good news. He should be back for Wigan away on Saturday."

On Rooney:

"Wayne is off to a flying start and he took his goal well.

"With his goal in the Community Shield last week, hopefully he's on the road to getting a significant total for us this season.

"He's capable of getting more than 20 goals for us. We're not asking the impossible from the boy and hopefully he'll do that."

On Owen and Foster:

"It would have been fantastic for Michael," added Sir Alex.

"It was a great save and when you see the replay it is a better save than you think. He will get his goal and once he does it will set him off on the road." ...
"Ben had a fantastic save in the second half. He looked very comfortable and relaxed in goal," said Fergie.

"He has learned from last week at Wembley. It was an unusual nervy performance from him in the Community Shield. We know he has got the ability and he proved that again."

And to finish, let's laugh at other's misfortune. From The Mirror's 10 things we learned from the weekend:

Every time Liverpool lose, it will be someone else's fault. Actually, we probably didn't really learn anything new about that this weekend, did we?