The Guy Who Invented Fire

Today's papers have calmed down a little bit (though the Sunday writers will be having their say no doubt ... tomorrow ... I add tautologically...) moving mainly onto looking towards the future.
I have a humorous idea, based on this:

Uli Hoeness, the Bayern Munich general manager, says that only a “crazy” offer would tempt them to sell Ribéry

Seeing as Ronaldo is so hugely impressed with being the most expensive footballer in history, we should take the £80 million Real have given us, add a couple of quid to it and buy Ribery, thus robbing Ronaldo of his title. Even if Bayern would except less, let's just do it, force the money on them. Pay him more as well, why not... And then Bayern could do the same to someone else, pushing Ronaldo down to third, and then ... let's start a chain reaction... It's only money...
The Guardian shed a little more light on Ronaldo's ego, already wanting to upstage Kaka:

Ronaldo is expected to fly to Spain to conclude the transfer in the next few days but is unhappy about plans for a joint press conference with Kaka because he would rather have his own event. ...
Ronaldo's agent, Jorge Mendes, will be in Madrid this weekend and is said to want guarantees that Ronaldo's salary will be greater than Kaka's so that it reflects his standing as the world footballer of the year and, imminently, the most expensive player on the planet.

Nice to see the new arrivals getting into the team spirit...
Moving swiftly on, The Daily Star have a wilfully misleading story, starts off OK:

Boss Sir Alex Ferguson has been promised he can use the entire fee from the Ronaldo transfer to strengthen his team – but he has quickly received a series of ‘pay top dollar or else’ threats from the clubs his main targets play for.

But then it goes a little awry:

Bayern Munich midfielder Franck Ribery, Lyon striker Karim Benzema and Wigan midfielder Antonio Valencia could all be difficult to prise away.

And then omits some words to make Dave Whelan's words more sinister:

just to add to United’s transfer tribulations, Wigan supremo Dave Whelan looks likely to hold out for around £20m for Fergie’s long-time target Valencia.Valencia has been a season-long United target but Old Trafford insiders say that a fee of around £17m would be the club’s top bid.Whelan said: “Things will develop over the next seven to 14 days. They have been in touch with me and negotiations will be opening very shortly, I am sure.“We are not desperate to sell Antonio – we are desperate to keep that lad because he is a brilliant player. If Manchester United do not want to make an offer I’d be delighted!”

Leaving us with the sense that Wigan are desperate to cling onto Valencia in the same way as Bayern and Ribery. Add this Whelan quote to the mix though and things look a bit different:

"[Ferguson] has a strong interest in Antonio, there is no question in that," Whelan said. "He had him watched practically every single match last year.

"What is difficult is to stop a lad like Antonio Valencia, who has got ambition. I would never stand in the way of a footballer who can go to bigger and better clubs, and you can't get bigger and better than Man United.

"If Antonio Valencia says to me, 'Chairman, I want to go to Manchester United' and we get the right fee, the deal will be done."

Not really the words of a man looking to rob us of everything he can get his hands on. A reading that this Times report agrees with:
Whelan did not speak like a man who would be obstructive in negotiations over Valencia either.
So The Daily Star wilfully mislead. Or lie, not just rumourmongering, but lying.
The Times report also quotes the Glazers:

The sale of Ronaldo was Ferguson’s decision and not a result of the club’s enormous debt, according to a spokesman for the Glazer family. “The idea that Manchester United are motivated by a debt burden is just not true,” he said. “Cristiano Ronaldo decided, after six years, it was time to move on and the manager said, ‘OK.’ Sir Alex Ferguson is in total control of his squad. He is empowered to make whatever decisions he thinks are in the best interests of Manchester United.

“Only the paranoia of some supporters would lead you to believe the owners are not going to continue investing in the team. A substantial number of world-class players have been brought to the club in the past few years and that will still be the case.”

Everything I've read, and people I've talked to, suggests that people are on the whole confident that the money will be spent on players, so the Glazers seem to be reflecting their own paranoia about the fans' feelings towards them back onto the supporters.
The Independent have words from Lyon suggesting that Benzema might not be easy to get:

The president of Lyons, Jean-Michel Aulas, said of Benzema: "There are many clubs after him, but only after the World Cup. We interrogated his agent and we are not under the impression that he will leave in the short term."

Andy Hunter looks at the risk that Valencia poses:

Whether he is capable of making that step, and filling the void created by ­Ronaldo on his own terms, is the ­legitimate question that ensures risk again surrounds his signature this summer. The calibre of his admirers, however, tips the balance in favour of the Ecuador international.

Ferguson's scouts monitored Wigan's right-winger throughout last season, no doubt with the Ronaldo succession as a watching brief, and United have inquired as to the asking price since the campaign closed. It is understood complications over the fee, with Valencia's former club Villarreal due a sell-on fee of up to 20% presents a greater obstacle to the deal than the £17m valuation itself. £17m? For a club of United's resources and in the context of Real's offer for Ronaldo it is a modest sum, however obscene that description seems in the real world. But for a player of Valencia's achievement and top-level experience, if not his pedigree, the fee represents a sizable gamble. It is, though, £1m less than Ferguson paid for Nani.

The Mirror state (guess might be better) that the "crazy money for Ribery would be £50 million.
Other papers put obstacles in the path though; The Mail claim: "Ribery does not want to move his family to a north European climate." Although Germany was in Northern Europe last time I looked and they also claim that Chelsea (in Northern Europe as well I'm fairly sure) are one of the favourites to sign him. The Telegraph put it better with the simpler, if equally speculative, "Ribery is understood to prefer a move to Spain."
Ian Ladyman has an article in The Mail on the options for Sir Alex, which contains a rather stupid paragraph:

Consider this: Dimitar Berbatov, Nani, Anderson, Owen Hargreaves and Serbian left winger Zoran Tosic have cost United in excess of £80million, the figure they are about to recoup for Ronaldo when his move to Real Madrid goes through. So far, these players have scored just 26 goals between them.

Berbatov is at least a forward, but including Hargreaves in the list? A defensive midfielder, a perpetually injured midfielder at that, and how many games has Tosic played? He might have well named Edwin Van der Sar in there as well and had a go at his scoring record...
One nice story today, Ronaldo set to make his Real Madrid debut at the home of Shamrock Rovers:

The rumour has been circulating with increasing volume that Shamrock Rovers, the local League of Ireland team, are to play a friendly againstReal Madrid in the middle of next month, and it is now understood that the fixture will be confirmed on either Monday or Tuesday of next week. But the emotions really began to churn when Christiano Ronaldo agreed his £80m world-record transfer from United to Real yesterday, and those same natives put two and two together. The world's best player would appear set to make his Real debut against Rovers at the newly built if humble Tallaght Stadium – capacity 3,500, to be swelled to 10,000 by temporary seating.

"I am trying to picture it, and it's just unreal," said Jimmy Pluck, the secretary of the Tallaght branch of the United supporters' club. "Ronaldo leaves for £80m and out of all the great stadia in the world, he plays his first match for Real in Tallaght. I can see the floodlights from my house. It's mind-boggling.

Even if he wasn't injured I'm sure he'd be feigning it until a game came up that was worthy of such a historic occasion...
Finally there's speculation in the Guardian that the Ronaldo/Paris Hilton thing might have been a publicity stunt:

it makes perfect sense that Ronaldo is to be found in an American nightclub... the night before the deal is announced.

They want to hook the American Latino market, which is where the US's huge soccer audience is to be found. They need Ronaldo to follow in the golden boots of David Beckham. What better way than to place him at the jugular of America's uber-celebrity, Paris Hilton?

Rumour has it that the deal was put in place a year ago - Real Madrid have had time, then, to plan an assault on the media to hurtle their player into the celebrity stratosphere. Ronaldo's nightclub dalliance is simply the first step on the road to turning him into the biggest brand in the world of soccer. Already today, by playing the Paris card, he's knocked Becks off the tabloid front pages in his latest photoshoot in his grundies.

Fan of conspiracies that I am I still don't see this one. Didn't Paris split from her boyfriend a couple of days before she met Ronaldo? So the meeting doesn't seem prearranged. Not that I'm saying it isn't a publicity stunt, they do both love the limelight after all, just that it probably was more of a spur of the moment money making opportunity at first sight type of deal. It would be quite the historic match-up...