Second Place is the first loser

Let's start with the funniest story of the day:

Rafael Benítez finally conceded defeat in the Barclays Premier League title race yesterday. However, the Liverpool manager claimed that it would have been a different story for his club and Manchester United this season had Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres not suffered a succession of injuries that denied them the opportunity to play together for much of the campaign.

“United have a strong team and a strong squad, which is important,” Benítez, the Liverpool manager, said yesterday. “But imagine if Gerrard and Torres had been fit all season. Where would we be now? It has been a good season, but you know it could be better.”

Does that even need a comment? Nothing like magnanimity in defeat is there...
Onto the various Tevez reports and the funniest one is this from Harry Pearson on The Guardian Blog, comparing Tevez to Darren Huckerby:

The chant of "Sign him up, sign him up, sign him up" is generally only heard at football grounds when the ball has struck a policeman on the head and rebounded back on to the pitch. On the occasions when it isn't intended sarcastically, by and large it ends in upset. Invariably, when fans fall in love with a loan signing it's like a kid bringing a stray puppy home. Something about the situation just compels a manager to put his foot down and growl, "I don't care how cute he looks running around with his tongue hanging out. He's going right back where he came from".

Recently the imploring chant has been heard whenever Carlos Tevez is on the ball. You can see why United fans are so intent on giving the little fellow a home because it is plain to any seasoned observer that with his hunch-shouldered, scurrying style Tevez is the Latin Darren Huckerby. And that's an intoxicating prospect in any language.

Somehow, though, you know that the more insistently United fans clamour "Can we keep him, can we keep him, please, please, please!" and the more Tevez capers about trying his best to look like he won't pee on the best rug and dig up the prize pelargoniums, the more Sir Alex Ferguson will set his stony heart against the perky little scamp.

The Scot is an inveterate crusher of childish dreams. Look how Hull fans implored him to part with Fraizer Campbell at the end of last season, only to be cruelly rebuffed. Campbell, it should be said, is a player whose favoured position is "on loan". More or less his entire Manchester United career has been spent playing for somebody else (Royal Antwerp, Hull, Spurs). Indeed, it looks like the young striker may be taking a lead from the aforementioned Huckerby, who made a habit of popping up for loan spells, scoring a goal every other game before returning from whence he came leaving behind him a trail of broken hearts. The Tevez of the Trent pulled off the trick at Millwall, Nottingham Forest and Norwich, before finally deciding to commit to the Canaries full-time.

The general consensus among the papers on Tevez is that, frankly no one knows what's going on, but that doesn't stop them writing. The Mail report that Tevez doesn't want to join Real:

A formal offer for Carlos Tevez of £40million from Real Madrid has been rejected by the player. It proves how determined he is to stay in the Barclays Premier League.

Last night, his owner Kia Joorabchian told Sportsmail: ‘Carlos will decide on his future. Carlos Tevez will decide where Carlos Tevez will play.’

The Guardian report that we want a lower price and that Tevez feels "humiliated":

Manchester United have told Carlos Tevez's advisers they still want to sign the Argentinian but that it might depend on them bringing down his valuation to a more affordable fee. The club are reluctant to pay the £22m that would be needed to turn the existing two-year loan into a permanent agreement, a stance that has left Tevez feeling disillusioned with the men in power at Old Trafford. The striker was described tonight as feeling "humiliated".

However, Joorabchian reckons there's nothing to negotiate:

On Thursday night, Joorabchian told The Daily Telegraph: "There are no issues between Manchester United and the companies because the deal was agreed and signed off two years ago. There is no need for further negotiation. All United have to do is to write a letter confirming they want to take up the option to sign Carlos and it can happen."

Which is kind of at odds with the claim that, "Carlos Tevez will decide where Carlos Tevez will play." Seems more like Tevez will play for whoever pays Joorabchian et al. their money...
Which brings us back to to yesterday's "Free Tevez" story, The Sun have yet more lawyer types on the case, but cutting through it all I'll highlight the relevant sentences:

United are refusing to pay the £26million fee demanded by a consortium led by Kia Joorabchian, who owns Tevez.

And Chris Heaton-Harris, president of the EU’s powerful Sports Intergroup which deals with sporting matters across the continent, insisted there was nothing to stop the Argie striker going his own way.

East Midlands MEP Heaton-Harris is an influential figure in Brussels on sports issues and admitted he has been shocked by the Tevez saga.

He told SunSport: “It is unique and bizarre that an entity, rather than a club, owns a player.

“In employment terms, Carlos Tevez has a contract himself with this company. But if he went to the European Commission and said he wanted out of it, he would get European support.

“It is just an employment contract. You can’t keep a person to a contract that he doesn’t want to continue in.

“Under European law, he has the right to break this contract.”

There is, of course, no evidence that Tevez wants to break from his owners or Joorabchian, who is also his adviser.

They agreed a loan deal with United two years ago. It had the proviso that, if United wanted to keep the player, they would have to pay £26m for him.

United have not exercised that option, so Joorabchian and his consortium say that it is time to look elsewhere.

Sources close to the player insist he does not want to stay at the club and that he is happy for his ‘owners’ to decide what his future should be.

"Carlos Tevez will decide where Carlos Tevez will play..."
The Telegraph have an interesting piece on who precisely owns Tevez - short answer - who knows? the long answer would require me to quote pretty much the entire article, so I'll just point in its direction - here.
Rooney has a few words on Tevez:

“Carlos is a world-class player and you always want to see those sort of players at your club,” Rooney said. “He is great to play with. He has got a lot of energy and scored some vital goals for us. His workrate is brilliant and hopefully he will sign to stay with us. But I don’t know what is happening behind the scenes and it is hard to say what will happen.”

He also has some words on the Arsenal game:

United forward Wayne Rooney said: 'It would be great to win the league against Arsenal because when they come to Old Trafford we always hear them singing about winning the title at our ground a few years back.

'So it would be nice to do it ourselves against them this time. It is also important to get it done soon so we can get a rest before the Champions League final.'

It is the rather more pragmatic end to that statement that will interest Rooney's manager. To Ferguson, being able to rest key players for the final game of the season at Hull - three days before their European clash with Barcelona in Rome - is much more important than settling old scores with Arsenal.

Nevertheless, it is impossible to suck the emotion out of football completely and United's current position as English football's most enduring and obdurate force would certainly be underlined by another crushing of Arsene Wenger's team live on TV Saturday lunchtime.

The possibility of resting players against Hull is also raised in The Guardian, although their suggestion is that we just don't turn up:

it would offer Ferguson the opportunity to rest his entire squad at Hull in readiness for the Champions League final encounter with Barcelona in Rome four days later.

Let's finish by returning to the beginning and contrasting the words of Arsene Wenger with the words of Benitez:

Wenger acknowledged yesterday that his great rival Ferguson had won the battle this season. "Manchester United have been better than us without a doubt, the whole season," Wenger said. "At the end of the day, you have to say, yes, you are the best and there is no shame to say it. We have not to be scared to say someone is better.

"Manchester United are world champions, European champions and will be champions of England. Everybody has to cope with that, not accept it and come back next year and beat them."